Smut.

One night, as I was getting out of the shower at my apartment, the power went out. It was late, and I’d just gotten home from a very long shooting day. Jimmy and I had decided to hang out in his trailer and have a few beers before going home, and at around midnight, we parted ways.

I didn’t notice, somehow, that it had started to rain. Until, that is, a monsterous thunderclap shook my bathroom very nearly to pieces. I glanced around nervously for a moment, then peered out the bathroom window– it was ugly. Huge sheets of precipitation flew from the sky and slammed down onto the pavement. Being irrationally terrified of dark bathrooms, I immediately grabbed a towel and dashed out, wrapping the thing loosely around my waist. I fumbled my way to the kitchen and rummaged around in the drawers for a flashlight, knowing full well I didn’t have one. Just as I’d given up my search, the power came back on. I sat down on the couch, still wet, and propped my feet up on the coffee table. I leaned my head back against the wall, and felt the pounding vibrations of the rain outside. It was rather soothing, strangely. After a few minutes, though, the sound seemed to change. I heard three quick raps, rather distinctly different from the rain. I furrowed my brow, puzzled, until I heard the sound again. Door, I thought, and stood up to investigate.

Upon opening the door, I gasped. Jimmy was stood there, completely soaked, withered, and really out of it. He wore a thick brown leather jacket and his motorcycle helmet.

‘Oh my God, come in,’ I said quickly. He didn’t move. Didn’t seem able to. I reached forward and pulled him inside, and he nearly collapsed on me. I grunted and shifted my weight (all 120 pounds of it) under his shoulder, then dragged him to the couch. His feet scraped at the carpet as he struggled to gain footing. I half- set him down and half- dropped him onto the sofa, and then pulled off his helmet. Somehow, his hair was soaked. It curled and frizzed around his temples, dripping into his bloodshot, drooping eyes.

‘Jesus Christ, mate,’ I muttered, unzipping his jacket. Underneath it, his shirt was wet and clung to his chest. I leaned him forward to remove his jacket, and he almost toppled off the couch. Keeping him in the forward position, I pulled his t-shirt off over his head, then leaned him back and set about removing his boots and socks. Even his socks were wet. His jeans were slick and black with water, too, and I hesitated in taking them off. I stared into Jimmy’s impossibly blue eyes, hands precariously hanging over his waistband. He looked back at me and blinked. I took that as a go-ahead and undid his jeans. Pulling them off proved to be incredibly difficult. He couldn’t even stand up on his own, so I had to put an arm around his lower back in order to lift his buttocks off the couch. I struggled with his jeans for at least five minutes and, in the process, couldn’t avoid pulling down his thoroughly-soaked boxer-briefs as well. He sat there, naked, on the sofa, shivering uncontrollably. Goosebumps rippled across every inch of his body. His teeth chattered together. I pulled off my damp towel and dried off his hair, then rubbed it roughly around his chest and back, trying to summon some warmth from his internal body heat. When he was sufficiently dry, I dashed to the thermostat and turned up the heat to a blistering 90 degrees, then turned on the coffee maker and ran into my room to grab my terrycloth robe.

Upon returning, I found that he was still unable to stand, so I moved him, with enormous difficulty, to a dry area of the couch, draped the robe over him, and curled up next to him in an effort to get him warm. He was shivering slightly less, and I took this as a good sign. After a few minutes, I figured the coffee was done, so I poured him a cup of it, white, with a generous portion of sugar, and brought it back to the couch. His hands were still shaking too much to hold the cup, so I brought it to his lips and tipped it back. He sipped, swallowed, then turned his head away slightly. I set the mug down on the table and curled back up to him.

‘Are you okay?’ I asked. He managed a slight nod, then leaned his head against mine and brought his legs up onto the couch. I adjusted the robe to cover his knees.

‘Hang on a minute,’ I said. ‘I’m just gonna go throw some clothes on, okay?’

Upon receiving another nod, I got up off the couch and walked quickly into my room, cursing myself out. My 21-year-old body still wasn’t entirely under my control and, though I hated myself for it, I was getting turned on by all this. I dug around in a drawer and found the tightest pair of briefs I had, slipped them on, and then found a pair of baggy pyjama bottoms and returned to the couch. I didn’t bother with a shirt– it was far too hot in the room for that.

When I got back, he was holding the coffee mug, sipping slowly from it. I sat down and he smiled tiredly at me.

‘Just the way I like it,’ he managed.

‘How you feeling?’

‘I’ll be okay. Hey listen, thanks.’

‘Not at all.’I shifted uncomfortably. Jimmy wrapped an arm around my shoulders and pulled me close, kissing the top of my head.

‘No, really. I owe you. I never would have made it home. The water is up to my pegs. Probably higher by now.’

‘God. I didn’t know it did this here,’ I said.

‘I’ve never seen it rain like this.’ He breathed in deep and took another sip of coffee. After a moment: ‘So, how can I repay you?’

‘It’s really not necessary. I like helping people.’

‘Listen, mate.’ He pulled back a bit and stared me in the eyes. ‘I wouldn’t feel right if I didn’t make this up to you. Come on, what do you want? I could take you out to dinner, buy you a motorcycle, give you a blowjob, write you a novel, whatever. You name it, it’s yours.’

I fought against blushing, but couldn’t help it. I scratched my ear, and he kept on staring. I tried to look away, but found I couldn’t. Something about people making direct, point-blank eye contact with me makes it almost impossible for me to look away. I blinked. He didn’t. It suddenly felt as if there was too much air in the room, and I noticed how hot it was. A drop of sweat crawled down the back of my head, giving me goosebumps. I twitched slightly. Jimmy had stopped shivering.

‘Um,’ I croaked, ‘are you warm now? I mean, can I turn down the thermostat?’

He raised his left eyebrow almost imperceptibly, then paused for a fraction of a second too long and smiled. ‘Sure, go ahead. I’m getting a little bit hot myself.’

The way he said that could almost have been a double entendre. But then again, I wasn’t exactly thinking clearly at that moment.

‘Okay.’ I said, but found it very difficult to move, as if all the blood had rushed to my legs, making them very heavy. I blinked again. When I popped my eyes back open, Jimmy appeared to still be staring directly at me, but he wasn’t, not exactly. More like through me, or slightly to one side, or between my eyebrows. And that seemed to unlock the strange paralytic grip he’d held over me. But what made it confusing is that, by the hint of impenetrable playfulness glinting in those steely eyes, he seemed to know exactly what he was doing, and what he’d just done. I stood up and moved stiffly to the thermostat, taking it down 20 degrees or so. As I did so, I caught his reflection in the glass pane of a picture frame on the wall. His eyes flashed a bit; he was playing with me. Not maliciously. He was reading me, toying with me, seeing how far I would go with him, and seeing how much of an effect he had on me.

I won’t lie: the effect was immense.

I returned to the couch but didn’t sit down. ‘You, uh, want a refill on that?’ I asked, pointing to the coffee mug.

I counted the seconds. There were four of them before he said, very lucidly, ‘yes, please.’

I collected the cup and went to the kitchen to pour him some more coffee. I made myself a cup (adding a healthy portion of Bailey’s), too. Props, I find, make welcome distractions in these types of situations. I brought the cups back and sat down. Jimmy had put his feet up on the table and adjusted the robe so it lay lazily around his midsection. I handed him the cup and he sipped, then set it down on the table. In doing so, he leaned forward. In my peripheral vision, I could see that much of his backside was being exposed, but I didn’t look.

‘Thanks,’ he said, righting himself. I nodded. I crossed my right leg over my left, uncomfortably.

‘So,’ I found myself saying, ‘if you wanna stay here tonight that’s fine. I mean, it looks like the rain’s not going anywhere anytime soon.’ Damn it, why did I say that? Why now, of all moments? I don’t want him to be right about me.

‘Sure, that’d be nice,’ he said. ‘Thanks.’He inhaled deeply, and let out a long sigh. ‘So, about that repayment. Have you figured out what it is you want?’

‘Can I sleep on it?’

‘Sure.’ He winked. He winked.

The thought, I’m not a pervert, you know skirted around my brain for a moment, and I came very close to blurting it out, but instead buried my nose in my coffee cup and took a long drink. A very long drink. When I came up for air, he was staring at me again.

‘Sorry, am I freaking you out,’ he asked innocently.

‘No, not at all,’ I lied. A little too quickly. His eyelids twitched in concentration, but he pretended to buy it. I should have a tattoo: ‘world’s worst liar.’

In reality, it was only a half-lie. He wasn’t freaking me out, per se. He was making me nervous. Uncomfortable, even. But I wasn’t freaked out. Not in the ‘Oh my God he’s going to rape me any second’ kind of way, at least. No, definitely not like that. Not by a mile.

‘Sorry?’ I heard him ask, off in a distance. I snapped back to reality.

‘Hmm?’

‘You said, "not that I would have minded all that much."’

‘Oh.’ Shit. ‘Just, erm, thinking aloud,’ I muttered.

‘You wouldn’t have minded that much had I been freaking you out? Or wouldn’t have minded something completely different, all that much?’ he asked.

I read him quickly– remarkably easily. He wanted the truth. Unhindered, unrepentant, unabashed truth. He cocked an eyebrow.

‘Um, something different. I guess.’ I stared at the wall clock for a moment.

‘Care to elaborate?’ he prodded.

‘Uh,’ I stalled. I looked at him again. ‘Not really.’

I looked back at the clock. This time it read 1.30. It hadn’t bothered to give me any useful information before, but I suppose that’s how it is with clocks. You really have to stare them down for a long time before they’ll tell you what time it is. Which is ironic, because I had a feeling that this is where the conversation was going. He was going to stare me down until I gave him the requested information. I considered just giving in, getting it over with. It was pretty inevitable I’d end up telling him exactly what was on my mind, and I may as well make it as quick as possible. But I figured there was still a small margin for escape.

‘Oh, come on,’ he said. ‘Don’t worry what it is. We all think odd thoughts from time to time. I like parentheticals. They interest me.’

‘This one wouldn’t. Trust me, my mind is a very scary place to be.’

‘Can I guess?’

I thought this over. This could be my easiest way out. I’d still be telling him what he wanted to hear, but without really saying anything. Okay, I thought.

‘Okay,’ I said.

‘Were you thinking,’ he began, ‘that you wouldn’t really mind a blowjob all that much?’

‘No.’I fidgeted.

‘But I am close, aren’t I?’

‘Um . . .’

He grinned. He was enjoying this a bit too much. But then, maybe I was, too, in a slightly perverse, masochistic kind of way.

‘Surely,’ he continued, ‘it couldn’t have been that you wouldn’t have minded giving me one all that much.’

Here was a possible out. If I admitted to that, I wouldn’t have to tell him exactly what had been on my mind previously, which was kind of sick, even for me. I decided to run with it.

‘Well,’ I stammered, ‘I guess it could have been that.’

Utter rot. No way would he believe that.

‘Alright, I’ll go along with that.’ He said. ‘I don’t believe it for a second, but owning up to that means that you were probably thinking something much more embarrassing, and I won’t make you divulge that.’

I blinked again, then managed a weak half-grin. What now?

‘What now, indeed,’ he said.

I gave him my best ‘how the fuck did you know what I just thought’ look. He smiled.

‘I would have thought the same thing. Trust me, no mind trickery going on here.’ Another wink followed.

‘Okay.’ I thought for a moment, then said ‘I’m gonna go pop your clothes in the wash. Hang out for a minute.’

He nodded, and I collected his jeans, socks, underpants, and t-shirt, checked his pockets, then went down the hall to the laundry room. After stuffing the clothes in a machine, I went back to my apartment and grabbed a packet of cigarettes off the kitchen counter, lit two, then returned to the couch and handed a fag to Jimmy.

‘Cheers. Mine are probably soaked.’

‘No problem,’ I said, sitting down.

We smoked in silence, and as Jimmy stubbed out his fag in the ashtray, he said, ‘Mind if I use the loo?’

‘Sure. It’s just through the bedroom,’ I said, gesturing vaguely to a door across the room. Holding the robe around his waist, he stood up and headed to the bogs. While he was gone I stuffed my hand down my pants and rearranged a few things. After a minute, I heard a flush, then Jimmy called my name.

‘Yeah?’

‘Come in here,’ he said.

I closed my eyes for a moment, then went into the bedroom. He’d put the robe all the way on and tied it in a loose knot about the waist, and was stood at my desk with his hand in Fred’s cage.

‘You can take him out if you want. He doesn’t bite,’ I told him.

He gingerly plucked up the hamster and held him in one hand, stroking him with the other. Fred licked his finger.

‘Nice keyboard,’ Jimmy said, setting Fred back into his nest. ‘Feel like playing something for me?’

‘Um, sure,’ I said, sitting on the stool and turning on the keyboard. I fiddled with the knobs for a moment and threw down a few jazz chords. ‘Any requests?’

‘Play absolutely anything you’d like,’ he said. ‘So long as you wrote it.’

I chuckled, then started to play a long, classical/ jazz piece I’d written about a year previously. It was my favourite thing to play. It was full of ups and downs, used the whole keyboard, had loads of tempo changes, and switched frequently between major and minor keys and various modes. It was called, rather appropriately, I feel, ‘The Madman.’

I played passionately, throwing myself wholly into the music. The piece was about 12 minutes long, and so gave me a good amount of time to forget a bit about the discomfort I’d felt earlier. I always played with my eyes closed, so I didn’t notice Jimmy moving behind me until I felt his hands on my shoulders just as I played the final arpeggios of the song.

‘That was lovely,’ he whispered in my ear. He let his hands slip down onto my chest, and kissed my neck softly. My thighs instantly bunched up, and my stomach tensed. I glanced to the right and saw my robe folded up on the chair.

He dragged his lips to my shoulder and scraped his teeth across my skin. This was too much.

‘Èrm, I, uh, gotta pee,’ I stammered, then stood up and walked as calmly as I could to the bathroom. I shut and locked the door, and suddenly felt a surge of frustration shooting from the bottom of my throat to the backs of my eyes.

I was suddenly aware of my hands hurting, and realised my fingernails were digging into my palms. I unclenched my fists and wiped at my face, then looked in the mirror, breathing deeply. It was no use. My eyes were already red-rimmed and bloodshot. The irises, normally a darkish green or pale gold, sparkled blue like they always did when I cried.

There was a soft knock at the door, followed by Jimmy’s voice. ‘Benj? Hey, are you okay? Please open the door.’

I blinked a few times, then slowly opened the door a few inches. What else could I do? I turned around, facing the sink.

Jimmy stepped up behind me and turned me to face him. He’d put the robe back on. I looked at the floor until he placed two fingers under my chin and lifted gently.

‘Hey, hey. Come on, what’s wrong?’

I swallowed and shook my head. ‘N-nothing.’ I tried to keep my voice level, but it broke in the middle of the word.

Jimmy frowned, took my hand, and led me back to the bedroom. I stood by the edge of the bed and watched as he lay down, patting the area next to him.

‘Come here, I want to talk to you.’

I sat where he indicated, and he put an arm around my back and lay me down. I rested my head on his chest.

‘Benny, I am so sorry I upset you.’ He kissed the top of my head. ‘I never wanted to hurt you. Will you please tell me what’s wrong? Please?’

I felt the tears again. Jimmy pulled me closer and I let them come. I tried to speak but couldn’t.

‘Did I frighten you?’ he asked. I shook my head. ‘What, then?’

‘It’s not you,’ I managed. ‘You didn’t do anything.’

‘Are you just having a bad day, then, or . . .?’ he asked, awkwardly.

I sat up and looked him dead in the eyes. ‘Don’t you get it?’ I pleaded. ‘I’m in love with you.’

Feeling like a complete idiot, I fled for the kitchen, lit a cigarette, and poured myself a double whisky. I necked it and coughed, feeling it singe the back of my throat and coat my stomach with silky heat. I gripped the countertop for a moment, then got a warm can of coke from the cabinet and swallowed half of it in one go. Shakily, I took a deep drag of my cigarette. The ash crumbled and fell on the floor. I grabbed the whisky bottle again, and lifted it to my mouth. No need for a glass this time. As I was about to drink, the bottle was pulled from me.

‘Hey, now,’ a soft voice said. ‘You don’t need to be doing that.’

‘Well what the hell would you do in my situation?’ I snapped. I instantly felt horrible– this wasn’t his fault. His face fell for a split second.

‘I suppose you’re right,’ he said. ‘But at least drink it from a glass, would you? Here, come with me.’

Jimmy collected the bottle, coke can, cigarette packet, and glass, and nodded toward the couch. I followed him and sat down. He poured me a single shot and I took it, then sipped some coke. He took a shot himself, then sighed.

‘Okay, Benj, tell me what’s up.’

‘I thought I already did.’

‘Well, yes, but that has to be only part of it, hasn’t it?’ he asked. ‘I mean, there’s more, right?’

I nodded.

‘Look, mate. I’m not going to judge you or mock you, and I’ll try not to make you uncomfortable. But I’d really like to know what, exactly, is going on.’

‘I guess I’m just confused,’ I started, selecting my words carefully. ‘I mean, you were acting like . . . y’know.’

‘Like I wanted to sleep with you or something.’

‘Yeah. And I was . . . I mean . . .’ God, this was difficult.

‘Oh, God, you’re not celibate or anything, are you?’

‘No,’ I said. ‘I was just . . .’

‘Already turned on, and you thought I was teasing you or something?’

‘Not exactly that. I tried so hard to hide it. I really did. I mean, first of all it was completely stupid because I was just trying to keep you from getting hypothermia or whatever, and I shouldn’t have been thinking about anything else at all. Because I didn’t want to fuck anything up between us, and because I didn’t want to fuck up anything between you and your family either. And because I’ve been in this situation before, and it really hurt me, even though he was so cool about it and we were still best friends after that, but . . . I guess I just figured I couldn’t be that lucky again,’ I blurted.

‘Woah,’ he said. ‘Slow down a bit, let me catch up. You were in love with a guy who was married, and you told him, and he was okay with it?’

‘Not married, but he had a girlfriend. And I told him, and he was really nice about it. But it was still . . . I mean, he was my friend and I saw him all the time. It was just hard, being that close to him.’

Jimmy nodded. ‘And you never did anything with him?’

‘No.’

‘Do you wish you had?’

‘He cheated on her. And I wished it would have been me. Partly for the obvious reasons, but partly because I wouldn’t have done it. I would have told him no. And then he wouldn’t have had to feel bad about it afterward. And his girlfriend wouldn’t have found out anything, because there wouldn’t have been anything for her to find out. The bitch told his girlfriend. She said, "how does it feel to be with a guy who likes to fuck other girls?" If I’d known who she was I would have beaten seven kinds of shit out of her.’

Jimmy sighed. Blinked. The corner of his lip twitched. He swallowed. Poured a shot of whisky and handed it to me. I drank it.

‘Well,’ he began, ‘I can see why you got so upset. If I’d had any idea of any of this, believe me, I wouldn’t have touched you.’ He waited a moment for the air in the room to clear, then said ‘I had no idea you were so protective of the significant others of men you’re in love with.’

I couldn’t help laughing. ‘It does seem ridiculous, doesn’t it?’

‘A little bit,’ he admitted. ‘So, if I wasn’t married or seeing anybody . . . ?’

‘If you were gay, I’d fuck you silly,’ I said. ‘That’s the other thing I don’t get.’

‘What’s that?’

‘You’re straight. And anyway, I mean, I’m not that good-looking. I’ve got all the muscle tone of an eight-year-old girl, my voice is higher than Michael Jackson’s, and I’ve got weird ears. I mean, I could more or less understand it if I were, say, Johnny Depp or someone, but what gives?’

‘I decline to answer that question.’

‘Oh, what, I have to tell you everything but I don’t get to ask any questions? That doesn’t seem fair in the least.’

‘No, I mean I can’t answer that question because I don’t really know the answer. I guess it was just an odd urge. I guess I was kind of curious about a few things,’ he said.

I was looking him in the eye when he said this, and he was unreadable.

‘Damn it, it’s so hard to tell when you’re lying. I hate you actor-types.’ I stuck out my tongue.

‘I’m not lying,’ he said. But I still wasn’t convinced.

‘Okay, I guess that’ll have to do. Just wondering, though: are you still curious?’

‘Ahem.’ He stammered for a moment, staring at the floor. ‘Yeah.’ He looked up. ‘What about you? Are you still . . .’

‘Uh, pretty much, yeah.’

I glanced down and realised my cigarette had gone out. I re-lit it and blew out rings. Jimmy lit one of his own.

‘Well, this isn’t awkward in the least,’ I said. Jimmy grinned. ‘And this whisky isn’t doing a bit of good. Did you replace it with apple juice or something?’

‘What, you wouldn’t have noticed that?’

I shrugged. ‘Probably would have, yeah.’

I smashed my fag in the ashtray, and a moment later Jimmy did the same.

‘Would you hurt me if I kissed you?’ he asked.

‘I had my fangs filed only yesterday. Would your wife hurt you if you kissed me?’

‘Oh, you would bring her into it, wouldn’t you?’ he teased.

‘I’m just mean like that.’

‘No, seriously. Would you object?’

‘No, seriously, would your wife object? And what about those three kids of yours?’

‘Damn it, Ben,’ he said, slightly angrily. I was a bit stunned. ‘Forget about all that. I really want to know.’

I sighed. ‘I wouldn’t hurt you any more, or any less, than you wanted me to.’

His eyes softened, then closed. He nodded. ‘Okay.’ His eyes popped open again. ‘Then please. Just do this for me. I really want this, and it’s not just because I’ve had my cock stuffed under the waistband of this bloody dressing gown for the past hour, which makes walking incredibly difficult.’ He paused. ‘I know you want it, too.’

He kissed me.

Softly, slowly. Nervously. He kept one hand on my shoulder, and with the other, he cradled my neck. Mine were at his waist. His tongue slipped out and glanced around the backs of my teeth, then returned to his mouth. I wanted it back. I leaned in to him, sliding my arms tighter around his back, and let my tongue play around his, teasing it. His right hand slid down my chest toward the waistband of my pants. I pulled it away. ‘Not yet,’ I breathed, undoing the knot around his waist.

I pulled the robe away from his chest and looked at him for a moment. He was beautiful. Tiny rolls of skin curled up around his belly button. He was almost completely hairless from below his nipples to his thighs. I kissed his neck, just under the jaw, and he drew in a sharp breath. I felt his pulse quicken under my lips. His stubble rustled as I moved down his jugular in little kisses, down to his collar bones, and across his shoulder. He tasted like rain and warm milk, and it was wonderful. He shuddered and shifted his legs onto the couch. I straddled them, propped up on my knees. His hands were on my waist. I gripped him tightly behind the neck, pulled his head down and scraped my teeth against the skin right below his hairline on the back of his neck.

‘Oh my God,’ he muttered, tightening his grip on my waist, digging in his fingernails.

I pushed him back against the arm of the couch and attacked his mouth, wildly lashing my tongue around. He returned the favour eagerly, pulling me down to his level. When I finally needed a breath, I curled my back and twirled my tongue around his right nipple until it hardened. I bit gently, until he wrapped a hand around the back of my head and pressed me in close. I bit harder, holding it between my teeth, and flicked my tongue back and forth over it. He tossed his head back and arched his back. His fingernails scraped my shoulderblades as I brought my right hand up and played with his other nipple.

Suddenly, he pulled me up by the armpits and kissed me quickly on the lips. ‘Let’s go to bed,’ he said.

I raised my eyebrows and stood up. He stood, too, losing the robe. I followed him into the bedroom, and onto the bed. He threw me down and lay on top of me, grinding his hips into mine, kissing me wildly. I reached down and grabbed his arse, pulling him more tightly toward me. He raised his head away from mine and went for the neck, kissing, biting, sucking, licking. His hands groped my chest and abdomen, kneading, pinching, scratching. He moved downward, shifting his body toward the end of the bed, as he ran his lips down the centre of my body, occasionally pausing to kiss my stomach. I propped up a couple of pillows against the headboard and moved into a sitting position as Jimmy tugged down the waistband of my pyjama bottoms. I kicked them off. Jimmy leaned down and kissed the head of my penis through my briefs. Moved his mouth to the base, and ran his tongue all the way back up, then sucked the head into his mouth through the fabric. I clenched my teeth as he pulled my underwear down and off, allowing my cock to spring free. It twitched as he wrapped a slightly trembling hand around the base. He cupped my balls in his other hand, rolling them around. Finally, he ran his tongue around the glans and dove in, sucking me as far as he could into his mouth. I could tell by his nerves that he’d never, or at least, rarely, done this before. But he quickly got the hang of it. He bobbed his head up and down, his hand following in rhythm, tongue curled around the shaft. I clenched at his shoulders. My breath was quick and shallow. On the upstroke, he paused at the top and flicked at the slit with his tongue, then twirled his tongue around and around, then returned to the up and down motion, putting me over the edge.

‘Agh. I’m– unh’ I stammered, and grabbed the back of his head, pushing it down. I shot hard. Six, seven, eight times. I felt Jimmy’s throat tighten as he swallowed. After I finished, he pulled back, sucking gently at the tip, then joined me at the head of the bed. I closed my eyes and attempted to catch my breath.

‘Sorry about that,’ I said, and kissed him.

‘Not at all. I don’t mind being handled roughly.’

‘Really, now?’ I asked.

‘Really.’

With that, I jumped back on top of him and shoved my tongue down his throat, slamming his shoulders into the mattress. I ran my hand down his chest, down his stomach, and felt a warm, sticky wet string. I rubbed it between my fingers and pushed my hand down further, letting my palm slide down the length of his penis. I wrapped my fingers around it and pulled back up, then down again, stroking it gently between our stomachs. My own cock began to harden again, and I abandoned Jimmy’s mouth, moving between his legs. His penis was gorgeous. Six inches long, straight as an arrow, hard as a rock, and just the right size for me to wrap my hand around. It was accompanied by two hefty, fairly low-hanging balls with just a hint of hair on them. The end of the head poked out just beyond his foreskin, gleaming in the light from the living room. I unsheathed it and ran my tongue around the ridge, tasting his pre-ejaculate. Salty, chlorine-y, and with a slight nutty flavour. Just as I was about to wrap my lips around it, I felt a hand on my shoulder.

‘Wait,’ Jimmy said. I paused, and rolled off him. Laying on my back. I closed my eyes, breathing deep. I heard some rummaging, then felt Jimmy move between my legs. I opened my eyes and saw him unwrapping a condom. I nervously waited, then heaved a sigh of relief as he unrolled it over my penis. He went back to my nightstand and produced a bottle of KY jelly, squirted some out on his fingers, and tossed the bottle to me.

‘Jimmy,’ I said, ‘have you ever, erm, done this before?’

He shook his head. ‘Have you?’

‘No. Are you sure you want to? I mean, it’ll probably hurt. A lot.’

‘I know.’

I sighed. ‘Then toss me another rubber.’

He did, running his lubed finger around his arsehole. He looked nervous. ‘Um, how would you . . .’

‘Hands and knees,’ I said.

He got back onto the bed and into position.

‘Let me know if you want me to stop, okay?’ I asked.

He nodded as I tore open the other condom wrapper and stuck three fingers inside it. I squeezed a generous amount of lube on the appropriate area and sloshed it around with my condomed fingers, then pulled two down as if I was flipping the bird, and slowly began to insert my middle finger.

‘Push out a little bit,’ I said.

He did, and my finger slid in. He gasped.

‘You okay?’

‘Yeah.’

I paused for a moment, twisting my finger around, waiting for him to relax a bit. Then I began to slide my finger in and out slowly. When my hand began to get sore, I asked him, ‘ready for another?’

He nodded, and I pulled my finger out, and added my index finger. I repeated the same thing until I had all three fingers in.

‘You still okay? You ready?’

‘Yeah,’ he whispered.

I sighed. ‘Okay.’

I pulled my fingers out, removed the condom, and held him by the waist. I carefully positioned the head of my penis at the opening and pushed as gently as I could. He grunted as the head popped in. I stopped and held it there, stroking his back. After a moment, I pushed the rest of the way in and waited again, then slowly began to move in and out. I kept up until there was little resistance, then pulled all the way out.

‘Okay,’ I said. I took him by the arm and rolled him over onto his back, then lay between his legs. I grabbed the back of his calves and hoisted his knees over my shoulders, then slowly guided my penis back in. Once there, I let his legs back down and slowly began pumping in and out. I lowered my stomach down onto his, trapping his cock between us, and put an arm under his head, then kissed him slowly, deeply. With each passing moment, the kissing became more wild, more animal. I pulled away for a moment while Jimmy pulled his shoulders up onto the pillows, then I grabbed him behind the knees and held his legs up around my waist, thrusting into him hard. I rested my forehead on his shoulder and he sunk his teeth into my neck. After a few moments, Jimmy grabbed me by the shoulders and held me up so we could lock lips again. A minute later, he clasped his feet behind my waist and I let go of his legs and propped myself up on my hands. I moved my head back and licked his lips. He stuck his tongue out and I slid mine wetly around it.

I felt a surge building up deep in my balls. It wouldn’t be long now. I gripped Jimmy’s penis and began stroking it in rhythm with my pumping. Hard and fast. Sweat dripped from my hair into my eyes. It stung, but I ignored it. Jimmy’s eyes were closed, and he bit his bottom lip in a grimace that could have only been one of two things. The other thing was pain. His breath was ragged, and occasionally a grunt or moan would make its way across his lips. I brought my left leg up, bracing my foot on the mattress for more leverage, and shoved hard three times as thick white cream shot out of Jimmy’s penis. He let out a sort of gutteral sound as I slowed down my stroking and held my hips against his buttocks as I came. I watched as the rest of his load spilled out onto his abdomen. I let out a long breath after I realised I’d been holding it for a good thirty seconds, then collapsed on top of him. A moment later, my softening cock fell out, and I rolled onto my side, and cleaned Jimmy’s torso with my tongue.

I flopped down next to him on the pillows and he wrapped his arms around me and kissed my neck.

‘Oh, don’t get me started again,’ I said.

He giggled, which made me laugh.

‘Wot?’ he demanded.

‘You giggled,’ I said.

‘I’ll show you giggling,’ he threatened, then jumped on top of me and began to tickle. I squirmed underneath him.

‘Stop it, you bastard!’ I squealed. He did.

‘Shower time,’ he asked, panting.

‘Aah, yeah. I’d better get your clothes into the dryer though.’

He nodded and sat on the edge of the bed as I pulled my pyjama bottoms on.

‘You don’t wanna go out like that,’ he said, pointing at my stomach.

I looked down. My belly was covered in slimy goo. I scoffed, ‘Jimmy, you are such a mess.’

‘Allow me,’ he said, grabbing me by the waist. He licked my stomach clean and, as a flourish, sucked hard for a second. I swatted him on the head.

‘Hey! Enough with the hickeys. I probably already look like I got into a bar fight.’

He laughed, pushed me out of the way, and went into the bathroom. I ran to the laundry room and stuffed his damp clothes into a dryer. As I was returning to my room, I ran into my neighbour, Jeremy, who lived in the next apartment. He was about twenty-five, black, beautiful, and about as gay as one can get, if there are degrees of homosexuality.

‘Hey, Jeremy,’ I said, a bit nervously.

‘Hiya, Ben,’ he cooed. ‘I see you’ve been having a bit of fun tonight. Didn’t figure you for a partier.’

I let out a weak laugh. ‘You didn’t, uh, hear anything, did you?’

‘On a Saturday night? Honey, please, I was at the club,’ he said, patting my shoulder. ‘You should have invited me!’

‘Well, it kind of just happened.’

‘Isn’t that always the way?’ He grinned. ‘Hey, but is he cute though?’

‘Six foot Two, blue eyes, yeah. He’s gorgeous.’ I tried to appease him without giving anything away.

‘Sounds delish. Hey, listen, don’t be shy, hotstuff. Come see me anytime.’

I grinned. ‘Okay, Jeremy. See you around.’

He kissed me on the cheek and pranced toward his apartment. I opened the door to my place and slipped inside. Jimmy had started the shower, so I headed into the bathroom, pulling off my pyjamas as I went.

‘Took you long enough,’ he teased.

‘Oh, that? Just ran into my neighbour. Don’t worry, I didn’t say anything.’

He smiled and pulled me into the shower.

‘That,’ he said, ‘was spectacular.’

I looked down, blushing.

‘Really,’ he said, squeezing some shampoo into his hand. He lathered it into his hair and rinsed it off while I watched. When he’d gotten all the suds out of his hair, he watched me watching him. ‘You know,’ he said, in a low, rumbling voice, ‘you’re gonna get cold unless you come stand under the water.’

I stepped forward, grabbing some shampoo myself. As I rinsed my hair, I felt Jimmy’s hands on my chest, rubbing soap over it. My stomach lurched slightly as he ran his fingers over my abdomen.

‘You little minx,’ I mumbled, feeling myself being immensely turned on for the third time that night. It was a new record for me.

Once my entire torso had been lathered, Jimmy pulled me toward him, resting his chin on my shoulder as he soaped up my back. He pressed his hips firmly into mine, and my breath caught in my throat. I bit his trapezium, and it was purely reactionary. He ran his soapy hands up my sides, pulling my arms into the air, then pinned me up against the shower tiles as he cleaned my armpits. He let my arms down then, running his hands down them, and kissed me hard. I jammed my tongue down his throat and immediately felt Jimmy, Jr start to rise to the occasion. Evidently, snogging was as much a turnon to him as it was to me. Not that I minded.

He kept his hands busy as we made out, rubbing soap into my buttocks, then setting the bar in its dish and gently lathering up my crotch. As he did so, I set about cleaning him up as well, and when we were both completely covered in soap suds, he pulled us back under the spray of water, without breaking the kiss. Water ran down our faces, into our mouths, and I knelt down in front of Jimmy, grabbed him hard by the arse, and pulled him into my face, taking his entire six inches in one go. I held him there for a moment, sucking like a hoover, before backing my head up a bit so I could run my tongue around the inside of his foreskin. He actually yelped a little, and grabbed my shoulders, digging in his fingernails as I ran the tip of my tongue slowly over his urethral opening, tasting salt. Then, unceremoniously, I yanked his arse back toward me and sucked him down again, giving him the go-ahead to thrust for all he was worth. He took the hint, bracing his hands up against the tiled wall, and drove his hips into my face, hard and fast. As Jimmy did so, I ran my hands up and down his thighs, around his buttocks, digging my fingers into every inch of flesh I could find. He groaned as my finger glanced down his crack, and I took the hint, gently teasing him before slipping a finger inside him and stroking his prostate as he pistoned his rock-solid cock in and out of my mouth. With my other hand, I reached up and took hold of the base of his shaft on an outstroke, so I could breathe. After another moment, I let go, and instead wrapped my fingers around his scrotum, juggling his balls around. Apparently, he found this to be too much, and quickened his thrusts. His breath was once again ragged, his stomach tense. His hands made their way to the back of my head, and he stopped moving, holding his cock balls-deep in my mouth. I felt a dull sting as semen hit the back of my throat. After another moment, he let go of my head and pulled me into a standing position, then kissed me hard again, grabbing my cock. He stroked it a few times, then I turned to face away from him, reaching behind me to pull his hips up against my arse. I took his hand and wrapped it around my penis again, turning my head back towards him to kiss him. He gently grinded his hips into my buttocks, at the same time jerking me off furiously while running his other hand over my chest. I turned my head away from him again, flinging it back to rest on his shoulder, and he attacked my neck with his teeth. I started moving my hips, fucking his hand as his tongue once again found mine. I pulled my mouth away from his to turn around facing him again, and buried my teeth in his shoulder to muffle my scream as I came, collapsing on Jimmy’s chest. He looped his arms under mine to keep me from falling– I’d lost all muscle control.

When I could finally stand up on my own again, I looked up into his eyes. They were bloodshot, making the irises more blue than I’d ever seen them. The look was soft, and almost, dare I say it, loving. I must have been giving him a questioning look, because his lips then met mine. There was no sense of urgency this time, no wildly thrashing tongues. When he pulled back, I looked down at him; his chest and abdomen were covered in ejaculate. I prodded him under the water and rinsed him off, then rinsed myself and we both stepped out of the shower and toweled off.

I had to change my bedsheets, and, after collecting Jimmy’s now-dry clothes from the laundry room, we went to bed. I lay several inches away from him at first, on my back, staring at the ceiling, until he curled up close to me. I rested my head on his shoulder and he snaked an arm under my back, pulling me even closer. Jimmy fell asleep before I did, snoring softly, and after a few minutes his other arm reached around me and he clasped his hands together. I turned more toward him and fell asleep with my head on his chest and my hand on his stomach.